Generations Past

Today marked the day when I finished cleaning out the storage unit my brother and I had of what's left of my mom and grandparents belongings. It was hard to pick and choose what to keep and what to get rid of as I don't have a lot of room in my house for any more stuff (see: none). So I decided to throw away a lot of my own stuff, mostly art projects and school assignments from when I was a kid that my mom had saved. It felt wrong throwing that stuff into the dumpster at my condo building but it means I get to keep things like albums of pictures like the ones below. Until today, I'd never seen any of these pictures before. I'd never seen pictures of my grandparents when they were young, of my mom and her sister when they were kids and all four of them were smiling and happy. My mom's sister Gail died in a car accident at 21, long before I was born, and I never heard anyone ever speak of her or saw pictures of her. I think her death caused a deep crack in the foundation of the Sepulveda family and things were never ever the same. It was amazing to see these photos today... to look at images of the people who came before me. And it was heartbreaking knowing that they are all four gone now and there's nobody to narrate what was happening in the photos and that my brother and I are the two last lone members of this Spanish/Sweedish clan. This photos makes me miss my grandparents and crave to have known my aunt Gail and the photos of my mom, well... they're like looking at myself and into the soul of someone I knew and who knew me better than perhaps anyone ever will. But I'm happy that for a time, they all appeared to be happy. Good Lord they were all so beautiful...

My mom's parents, Edwin and Florine Sepulveda...

Not a very good picture of this picture, but my stunning grandmother. Until today, I'd never seen a picture of her when she was young...

My mom and her sister Gail...

Mom

......

Home

Remember after the divorce

when we used to recline in the summer evening's sun

your tanned skin inhaling every last morsel of the days light

after hours spent working the earth

creating a masterful green paradise

dirt having buried itself in the cracks on your palms and under your fingernails

you finally could enjoy your creation with me over dinner

and so we sat in our purple Adirondack chairs 

and became experts at lounging in wordless peace

slurping our homemade pesto to a symphony of gurgling fountains

and creating together

our new home.

~~~~~

It's a multitude of years later now

and I haven't eaten in the evening sun for ages...

and the dirt is gone from underneath your fingernails

and the cracks in your hands...

and you aren't here any more at all really 

and I miss desperately

our bountiful feasts of silent, unconditional love.

And today...
well today I need you.

Won't you, if only for the flutter of a butterfly's wings,
come back to me now?