Cool Blue Her

Sometime after you lost your best friend

and I mine

I tried to step in but

my feet were never able to come close to being

big enough

to fill your mamma's shoes.

Sometimes

after she died

we'd go out and eat pizza

I'd buy

you'd eat

and I'm fairy certain our thoughts

floated along the same stream together

silently.

Sometimes

on barren holidays

we'd drive out to Dad's house

I'd read

you'd eat

and I'm farily certain our thoughts

would fly then too

along an even purple skyline together

silently.

Sometimes

on your birthday

I'd bake cookies

and bring you Captain Crunch

knowing all the while,

these thing never tasted so good

as when they were passed

from her weathered hands

to yours.

Now I work mornings

and you nights

the times we commune

few and far between

and the strained, sometimes phone calls

scream silently of a

shared loneliness on either end.

So I don't call much

I don't write often

I visit rarely

and if it's true what they say,

if actions speak louder than words

then

I don't love you.

Hear me when I beg with

this written whisper,

don't be fooled by

my cowardly inability to jump

deeply

into loving anymore.

In truth, I lay alone in the dark often

my thoughts

wondering about

you.

And so I just want to say

that I love you,

love you deeply and

that unfortunately

I also love quite 

quietly.

When we lost our cheerleader

I grew scared

to love

even you,

to love especially you,

the only other one left

the one who reminds me most

of that cool blue her.